Sunday, August 16, 2009

2 months later......




Wow has it really been 2 months?

Bad me BAD ME.

Seriously, bad me. My heel spurs still hurt. The cortizone shot lasted good for about a week, then slowly lead back to the original excruciating pain. As long as I keep it stretched it's not too bad....but as soon as I sit (here to write this) for a while or sleep BAM !! Just careful to not step wrong, think I'll try accupuncture now....just got to remember to call.

In the meantime, that makes me walk funny and that throws my hip/back outta whack so it's off to the Chiro.

Bear with me, I might get long winded,

Tom is good at the no drugs/no drinking game. Continuing AA 3x a week and looks forward to it. 7 months next week FREE!! What a great accomplishment.

We went to ECity for the court date (April 08 when he did the Uturn and got stuck and DUI). Trial by jury - that's what he wanted. Went up Sunday night to be in court bright and early Monday morning 9:30am. Waited.......and waited, and...

Waited.........they picked a jury for another case and said "come back 2pm tomorrow". OK, easy enough.

NOT.

Tuesday was a bust, did not hear Tom's case, so I had to head home to work Wed & Thurs, leaving him there in the hotel room. Said I'd be back Thurs night/Fri morning or before if he needed,

Thursday afternoon they started his trial, I drove up after work, arrived around 11pm and hit the sheets saying "take the cab in the morning and let me sleep in" which is what he did. ($550 for hotel for week) I arrived 11am in time to hear the Patrolman give his testimony and our cross exam. Then Lunch.

Resume trial and Tom decides to testify (OMG).....the DA tried to discredit him and then the Jury was dismissed. At 3:30pm the jury came back in with a NOT GUILTY!!

Wooo hooo.............until Saturday when he received a bill from the attorney for $4,500!! Are you kidding? No one ever said that there'd be more money than the original fee.

This takes its toll on me.....working, driving 4 hrs up there, worrying, money, worrying, driving, worrying...you get the picture.

Not Tom. He sits around listening to Talk Radio and just exists. No desire for anything. In an "I've made my bed now I'm wallering in it" mood.

Sucks for me. I'm 44 and my husband is a knot on the log! Hello.....this is not fun for me. We can barely agree on doing anything...no movies (he's not into that) no live shows, no trips to remote beaches.........


Now Depression.............

I have been in such a bad funk all year...yes all year.

Need a new roof on the house, which will mean fixing the ceilings, repair, mud, repaint. Do I have the cash? Hell no. Can we get an equity line? Maybe, but there goes another $$$$ per month to pay out.

My work load is piling up, need to start working longer....try telling that to the boss. We started another 7 unit building of townhouses which is keeping us busy. In the meantime the 10 renters we had have begun to move out.....I get to go take the pictures and assess the units.

These were brand new....so you figure there's going to be a "lived in" look now. Only the boss has lost his marbles. An 8x10 kitchen with vinyl on the floor has a 1" gash in it....he wants to hold out $800 (because he'll have to replace it if someone wants to buy the unit).

HELLO! Um, normal wear and tear (in NC) does not mean return to brand new condition. So this has actually made me ill! I know it's not my money but think about it.......$1,200 security deposit and you want to keep $800 for a small cut? Speaks like a miser to me. And yes, he's known to be "gimme gimme gimme while I takey takey takey" - trust me he does not reside in the real world. Can anyone say "Ebenezar Scrooge"?

I did put a bug in the ear of the tenant's father.......ask for photos and look up the regulations. Ooops, did I say that??

It's not just that....it's the little things like "fill out this (personal) for for me" when he can clearly see that I am swamped.

Then to come home to find out no one has even remotely considered DINNER. (Um Mr Mom, retired remember? Home alone)

There was dance drama throughout the summer over silly things -- think cat fight - "why is this kid doing that and not mine?" whine whine whine.

One parent was even sooooooo close to being asked "don't bring your kid back". OMG, if that had been me I would have been so embarrassed.

Friends? Where? HA! I can't even muster up enough enthusiasm to get together with anyone. My bestestfriendinthewholewideworld Cindilouwho even threatened to divorce me, and I haven't seen her or my gal pal T since JANUARY! Bad me, bad me.

I've blamed it all on being a one car family of 3 needing to be in 3 different places at 3 different times between the hours of 7am and 9pm. Who can do it all and still have time, much less want to do anything else?

So I bought a new car July 1....an '07 Endeavor SUV. It's nice. Has plenty of room for us and Ms Dancer's stuff for her competitions.

Did that solve my depression? NO.

But a light bulb has blinked......I've been slowly getting like this ever since the co-worker left for Texas. It makes sense now....with no other interaction in the office (just me and boss) I have been slowly sinking into my own depression.

Yes, I do see my girl pals at dance...but it's not the same as hanging out at the beach or getting together for a drink or meal. We're still stuck to the kids schedule, not on our own time. And of course the dance drama.......

Miss T is growing.....GROWING you hear me. Dance starts back tomorrow. She's "graduated" to the Jr Senior groups at the studio. YAY! She'll be 13 this Fall. I've reflected back to when I was her age (OMG!) and I've got to say I am thankful, very thankful to have such a great kid, drama free (for now). I was a pistol and drove my Mom crazy. (Memo to self...pretty soon you won't know anything according to your kid...they know it all.)

7th grade will start in just over a week....hard to believe.

OK, foot feels a bit better....back to that place she calls her bedroom. I'm working on it - alone! Watch out!

16 comments:

garnett109 said...

Well that is a full schedule, I feel off the wagon friday but back on track now

madcobug said...

I hope things start working better for you and Tom. Sorry about that bone spur. They say those things are really painful. Miss T is going to be a teenager soon huh. Helen

Shelly said...

yikes, heel spurs. uckk. Glad to hear Tom is still clean. That's a good start. Big hugs for you my friend. We're doing the beach in Dec. right? yeah. Tell Miss T I said hello. Love ya.

Amanda said...

(((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))Hey there,good to hear from you,I am sorry things dont seem to good for you.I hope and pray your pain in your foot goes away.I am glad Tom has stoped drinking.Tell Him He needs to have dinner ready before you get home.I hope you can get togehter with your girls soon.will be praying for you.

Merry'sthoughtshopesdreamsandshemes said...

Great to hear from you! I have missed you. I hope your marriage kinks work out It sounds like your family has gone through a lot. And it's hard to work and raise a family. You do need fun, and outings! Mostly, I hope your pain gets better. I have a pinched nerve in my neck and also I pulled my right triceps muscle trying to up my walking cuz I am dieting. I now have to really limit my computer hours. More later. I've missed you, kiddo. Merry

Melissa said...

Wow, that's great Tom is still sober. It's funny you posted this because I was just thinking about you guys and wondering how you were doing. It's too bad Tom isn't enjoying life as a sober person. Depression is terrible. You certainly need ME time and to practice self-care or you will go crazy. Also, some good heart-pumping to get that brain derived neurotropic factor flowing in your brain. Exercise was more effective than Zoloft in a number of studies. I'm sure it's hard with the sore heel and all... but if you can find something low impact I bet it will make you feel better! Miss ya. Hugs to you and Miss T! (oh yeah and TOm too..LOL)

Martha said...

So good to see you here Sharon! I've missed you! I'm so glad to hear Tom has been clean for 7 months - that really is a huge accomplishment! Glad he was found not guilty too - that's a relief! Hope you find a way to find some time for you. I know how hard it is working full time and having to do everything - and I mean everything ourselves as far as home and family is concerned. Hugs to you and Miss T too! :-)

krissy knox said...

Take just one day at a time. If you do that, you will dig yourself out of feeling overwhelmed, and out of depression. It can be done. Take it from one who knows! Things will get betterin the future. Trust the process, trust life, trust in the Lord, trust in yourself, trust in the course of things. Just do your best, things will come around! You can do it!

krissy knox :)
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LYN said...

WOW..SO MUCH GOING ON...NOT REALLY SURPRISING YOU FEEL DEPRESSED!
HANG IN THERE!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

You have to carve out some you time. And sit down with Tom and have a heart to heart about helping out more.

Beth said...

I echo Ken's comment. Sounds like you need some time to focus on yourself, and no, that is NOT being selfish. Maybe if Tom knows how much you're stressing, he'll be willing to help out more. Good luck, and hang in there! Hugs, Beth

Missie said...

I'm so happy to hear Tom is still sober!

I'm also glad your daughter is doing well. Can't believe she's going to 7th grade already! Where does the time go? LOL

Traci said...

Girl, I hope things start to turn around for you in the depression dept. Been there done that. Doesn't sound like Tom is helping there. Good news/bad news on the court date, huh? Sorry you are going through it.

Barb said...

Hey girlfriend,
Hate to hear you're in a depression. Been there, done that & got the whole damn souvenir shop! LOL I hav been depressed since I was a teenager. I've been on several antidepressants. Prozac REALLY helped me when I was first diagnosed. I think a DR visit is order right off. First to make sure you're not anemic, etc. Then you & he can decided your next course of treatment. I battle it every day, hon, so I KNOW where you are coming from, friend. You find life, cooking, going with Miss T, working all just chores. Hang in, friend. i've not on my first& I'm not crazy, just depressed still years later. And tired. Wish I could take you out for a day full of craziness. U let me know if you need anything. I'll do whatever I can for you. Sure am glad tom's hanging in there. I know it's hard & I imagine he is feeling a certain "loss" himself. l have walked those shoes too. it's going on 7am & I've not been to bed yet, so excuse the typos . Love ya, Barb
Take care of youraelf.

AGirlNexDoorCreation said...

Hey there girly...I am in a funk too...with this damn broken knee trying to heal...Mark Laid off and threatening us all in the house...as soon as I am healed...I made up my mind to end this...so soon I will be putting a protection from abuse order against him and hope that he just leaves me alone..but I already know that wont happen....ho hum...hope things turn around for you soon...and keep your fingers crossed for me that I can get my life back soon..hugs and prayers! TerryAnn

LdyRoxx said...

Ouch...poor baby. Lots of kids messing up the growth plates lately, some of the dancers too. Hope she feels better soon.