Monday, June 11, 2012

Almost a year later....

 Yes, I'm still around.
I left you hanging in my last post and I'd like to apologize for that. 

After moving my Nanny to Hospice we struggled with the idea that, this is it.  This is the final resting place until Nanny is called by Jesus.  She rested; my Mom stayed with her as much as possible, reading scripture to her and parts from a good book she was reading.  My Nanny was an avid reader - loved books!  I think she learned a lot of lessons from the writings of others.  She read her Bible every night.  Oh the books that she had and she knew we were going to have to deal with THAT once she was gone.  She joked about it often -- said "Gosh, just look at all this stuff someone is going to have to get rid of!".....and I'd look over and say YEAH guess WHO!!

I think for the most part that I was in shock that my Nanny was in fact dying.  However, I think I was at peace knowing that IF she had to die that it was (not) OK because she and God had discussed these things and they were good friends, on the same page and he probably said to her "whenever you feel like you're ready I'm ready".  For me, I was NOT ready, no way, no how, but that's not how it works. 

Tara and my Mom were on the way to a hair appointment when she got the call.  How ironic....all three times my daughter has been with my Mom when she got the "bad news".  First my call about the fall; next was witnessing the stroke and now this.  The nurse said she had a smile come on her face and was peaceful.  I know Nanny was seeing the Angels that were there to take her home!

How hard it was to see her lifeless body.  I still uncovered her feet lol.  It was odd how empty she looked - I guess it is true that we are only the housing for the soul.  The body will wear out but the soul is the life of the person and that will live on forever.

The next stop on my agenda is hubby....still sitting in hospital while all of this is going on.  De-compensated Liver and Upper GI bleed.  Cirrhosis is full blown and with Hep C there isn't much to do unless he is willing to go through the treatments, stop drinking and live the clean life on medication.  His mind is still unable to understand why he is in the hospital.  I tell him about Nanny, and he's clearly upset by it.

We plan the funeral - simple yet elegant.  I cannot recognize the lady in the casket.  Somehow that is not the Nanny that I had just 2 weeks prior.  My 2 brothers and I wrote letters for the Pastor to read of some of our memories; my Mom penned a nice note and I received an email from a long time friend that said the nicest things about Nanny.  The service ended with the upbeat tune "Dwelling In Beulah Land" just like Nanny would have wanted it.  

Had she been there, sitting beside us, we would have been laughing and people would have been saying "aww, look how upset they are" yet, we would have probably been making jokes about how much she looked like................................or how much weight the preacher had put on or....something silly.  She even said her oldest sister looked "the best they'd ever seen her" when she was laid out in her coffin just a few years ago!!