Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ups, Downs and more snow



Snowing today.....what's up with that? Just a drizzle of snow though. It will be gone before sunset. It did look pretty as I was driving into work this morning - all flakey and flying around. Luckily our ground temps are warm enough to go ahead and melt the mess although it will stay on the bushes and trees for a bit.

I know the kids at school were hyped up to see it -- hoping for another "snow day". But as I reminded Miss T recently, that just means you'll have a make up day.

I remember loving to see it snow as a kid. Playing in it as long as I could since we rarely got any snow here in the coastal south. Christmas of '89 we had the "big blizzard" and there was about 30" of snow in my yard! What a slushy mess!

Ups & Downs?
Well, yeah, I know I've been MIA for over a week. Trust me when I say OVERLOAD.
January 19th -- my first night of sewing classes. Always trust your instincts. Miss T wanted a dance mom to drop her off to me when they were done (7pm) so I agreed even though I wouldn't be finished until 8:30pm.

Mr Man had been in town earilier that day...checking on his new glasses and had been drinking. I was furious! Why was he driving around like that? Said he had hit the front of the truck on something, he "thinks" a tree....????? but was on his way home. (Yes he DID go home; began to ready himself for the court date of 1/20, packing an overnight bag and meds cause it's a 4 hour drive up to ECity.)

You cannot rationalize with a drunk. I've learned to let be whatever will be.

After classes we headed on home, and I was on my cell with my Mom explaining this to her. I turned down our main road (a state highway) and about half way home I noticed ahead beyond a curve LIGHTS...an accident. I said to Mom "wonder if it's Tom?". I mean for real, he was already "under the influence" and you never know what they'll get to thinking. I approached a guy directing traffic and asked "would that happen to be a 4 dr grey truck?"........

He said "maybe"....I'm still on the phone with my Mom and I say "hmmmmm". Next I approach one of the patrolmen and ask the same question and his response was "Yeah. Lives right up the road here?" asking me in return. I said Yeah, then that's my husband and sure enough standing in front of the ambulance is what I expected.

Miss T saw him first....I looked past him at my beautiful truck crumpled in the deep ditch, kissing a tree. He had near missed a head on, and clipped the mirror and gone off the road. He had a slight cut on his forehead and stood there with the dumbest care less look on his face. The cop says to me "he's drunk" and myself says back (without thought) "ya think?". One day they're gonna arrest my smart ass!!

The patrolman took him to the hospital first, then to jail. It was 2 days before I would really talk with Tom. I let him sit and sober up.

That was a Monday night. In the meantime I'm calling all around to rehab centers for help....right! Good luck. You've got to almost be court ordered to get in or brought in by hospital referral (remember the Thursday before? Tried that one.).

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon when I finally bailed him out of jail under the assumption that he was now ready to reclaim his life. He sat in jail, listening to other "guests" and said to me more than once "you wouldn't believe the attitude and comments coming from these" drunks....I said Oh yes I would. He realized then he was basically watching a mirror image of himself.

What happened?

He came home that Monday as he said he would; got ready for an early bedtime (since he was to get up early on Tuesday); took his pain meds and an Ambien (yes on top of all that drinking) and got dressed for bed.

Sometime unbeknownst to him, he got in the truck and drove away. His only memory is trying to back out of the ditch and then a cop getting him out of the truck. Nothing between bedtime and then.

Scarey. Had I not been in a class until 8:30pm it could have been ME and Miss T he hit.

The Ambien label warns about sleepwalking.

In the back of Tom's mind, what was he pondering? Death? It sure looked like it.

"Scared straight" Tom began AA meetings, saying "I don't want to live like this anymore" and it seems he really began to look at this problem sincerely. His comment to me was "I thought I had it under control, but I guess I was wrong."

He came home from the first AA meeting excited! Roomie's hubby took him...I have strict orders that I don't drive him to or from a meeting unless it is a dire emergency.

This past Monday he had an appointment with a clinic to assess his need for counseling. He seems to really want to go through with this!

I am handling this much better than I thought. I can see the sincere pain and desire to be whole. So it is my job (I'm told and I read) to remain optimistic and encouraging which is what I am trying to do. I have told him how proud I am that he is taking these steps on his own.

He visited the truck yesterday, shocked at its appearance. At dinner he became very emotional while talking about it. Seeing the truck was a solidifying realization of just how far out there he was - and how close to death he came.

Scared sober?

Let's hope so. I'm knocking on wood......and hopeful.

17 comments:

lisa jo said...

you are always in my thoughts and i pray with all my might that he does walk away from booze and turn his life around. HUGE hugs to you!

garnett109 said...

I'm glad he realized this before someone or child got killed!
Hang in there Tom you can do this.

Beth said...

Someone I know went through something similar with her husband a while back. It straightened him up, although I think he's still a little "damaged," even though he's not drinking anymore.

Stay strong. {{hugs}}
Beth

Robin said...

How do you explain this all to your daughter? I just can't imagine...so sorry.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Hope this is for real, and that if it is, he can find a way to not spend significant time incarcerated. Hugs.

It's Just Me ~ Katie! said...

I am hoping he takes that same look at his daughter. This is a hard task that all of us know he can defeat. Best to you and yours knowing Tom can do this!!! Take care of you and yours my friend,
Katie

Traci said...

I pray he will stick with recovery.

Traci said...
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Traci said...
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Traci said...

Ok now I've made a mess! I was trying to post one comment and I got impatient and hit the button three times. So I deleted two. Grrrr. Sorry!

Missie said...

Tom has once again made a mess for himself. I honestly don't know how you put up with him. I know a lot has to do with Miss T, but I think she would be better off not seeing any of his drunkin antics.

I'm sorry if I'm sounding a little cold, but that man has put you guys thru hell for years and I feel so bad for you and Miss T. I'm also so mad at Tom.

He needs to hit rock bottom and if you and his family always bail him out, he'll never get there.

Sending you some hugs!!

Chris/cacklinrosie101 said...

Aw, Sharon, truly I just don't know what to say except I sure hope he was scared straight. If not, how long do you sink with the ship? Saying my prayers for you, Ms. T and Tom also because this is getting far too old. Love you....

Martha said...

I am so sorry to hear the latest Sharon. I don't know how you keep sticking by him - I know, for better or worse, but this has been going on for too long! You give him one chance after the other yet things only change for a very short while each time ::sigh:: I hope he will do what he has to do this time. Big Hugs to you and Miss T.

Rose said...

it's always hard to tell when a drinker will hit bottom hope for your sake and his it's soon.

been there.

xoxo

Lisa said...

Sending lots of prayers for tom and yes we enjoyed the snow days too over here. Hope you like the sewing classes.
Lisa

Amanda said...

(((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))))My thoughts and prayers go out to you and hoping it all works out for the best.

DB said...

I'm knocking on wood with you. DB